![]() Nonetheless, Hillary needs to “get over herself!” All this glory is “despite her poor showing in the presidential election,” which, as readers of other news may remember, she technically won by three million votes. ![]() This time, it’s the audacity of planning her own funeral! Since she “doesn’t trust her straying husband” to plan “the send-off she is convinced she deserves,” Hillary is arranging an elaborate funeral for herself at Arlington Cemetery-one that mirrors the slain President Kennedy’s. Despite her heretofore undisclosed battles with “brain cancer, alcoholism, and cerebral blood clots” (which have led the “double-dealing Democrat” to face “her final days”), she is still in need of a good public shaming. This makes sense as both men are known for their restraint.Īs usual, the Globe saves its worst for Hillary Clinton. elections!” According to the article, this secret was kept secret until now because Putin and Trump feared that publicizing their strife would only escalate the conflict. Trump, who is engaged in a far more serious pursuit: fighting a secret war against Russia to “punish Kremlin kingpin Vladimir Putin for meddling in the 2016 U.S. With the Obamas mired in marital strife, Globe turns to the current president, Donald J. “Political insiders,” Globe warns, “are already quaking in their boots.” Globe’s accusations against the former president include: having “the nerve to take selfies” with the “attractive blond prime minister of Denmark” and smiling excessively at the actress Gabrielle Union. In an attempt to locate serious news, I turn to the cover story about Michelle Obama’s forthcoming book, which is apparently “set to expose cheating & dirty tricks with crooked Clintons.” I assumed from the headline that the “cheating” was political, but I’m incorrect-according to the article, Obama’s book will focus on her husband’s serial infidelities and “their dismal sex life,” which is somehow Hillary’s fault. I’m frankly disgusted-Scary Spice should use her genius to be original rather than copy the president’s greatest hits. I also learn that a factor in Scary Spice’s custody battle is whether she, as her ex-husband alleges, tried to urinate on their furniture in front of their children. Picking up this week’s issue, I quickly learn that Cate Blanchett and Sandra Bullock had a “penis facial” (which is actually just a spa treatment that, per Blanchett, “smells like sperm”). In recognition of that-and in honor of Haberman’s Pulitzer and McDougal’s new freedom to tell her story-I went to Rite Aid (welcome to the Trump era, when Rite Aid is my bookstore) and bought the current issues of three of AMI’s most popular publications. I’ll walk you through their insights now-for, you know, civic reasons.ĭespite its focus on politics and culture, Globe is the most prurient of the AMI tabloids. “It’s no coincidence,” her colleague Glenn Thrush wrote during the campaign, “that one of the best reporters covering the president-elect this cycle happens to be the one who best understands the tabloid-Trump nexus.” While the New York tabloids and AMI’s supermarket rags are of different journalistic quality, Trump is a president both packaged for and propelled by sensationalist coverage. (Trump is a personal friend of the company’s CEO.)Īnother of this week’s news events: Maggie Haberman, a veteran of the New York tabloids and a current White House correspondent for the Times, won a Pulitzer for her coverage of the president. To recap for those of you who follow neither tabloids nor broadsheets, in the run-up to the 2016 election, the National Enquirer bought the exclusive rights to McDougal’s story of her affair with Trump, then buried it to protect him. (AMI), the parent company of an array of tawdry tabloids. On Wednesday, the former Playboy model Karen McDougal settled her lawsuit against American Media Inc. This week, as the media explored the unholy alliance between politics and sensationalist right-wing journalism, I took it on as my civic responsibility to consume bottom-of-the-barrel tabloids.
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